Thought I Lost You Somewhere {Castiel} [Closed]

[fassa]

In the summer of ‘91, a scraggly stray dog followed Sam and Dean home from school. Sam had been feeding her scraps during recess, so she grew friendly quickly. Dean remarked, “it’s kinda fugly”, but he could tell that Sammy wasn’t going to leave her be.

"It's a she," Sam corrected him.

Dean didn't have the heart to tell his brother that they couldn't keep her because Dad wouldn't allowed it, instead he discouraged him by telling him another truth - that the motel policy wouldn't allow it. So they made her their secret, and built a little makeshift kennel out of the newest (and cleanest looking) box out of the dumpster, and a ripped damask curtain Dean had found in a bin, which Sammy had spent half the day washing.

"Sure no one will find her here?" Sam had asked, standing up to brush the dirt off his knees as they admired their handiwork.

Dean, with his thumbs deep in his pants pockets, returned a reassuring smile, "Surely not.” Then he grinned from ear to ear. “Hey, Sammy- you know what?"

"What?"

"We should totally call her Shirley.”

"Dean, that's dumb," Sam rolled his eyes and scratched the spot between the mutt's ears, but the name stuck anyway.

By proxy, Shirley was the probably the closest 'pet' Dean ever had.

***

Robin was unbridled with energy. He was cute, really, all doe-eyed with budding misshapen teeth - and as he was still hungry, he zipped to the bowl of meat.

"Woah- hey! Easy there-" Dean hurried after him with the strongest certainty he would leave nothing left for the others. He pulled the bowl from under the firelizard before he could dip his aquiline snout in.
Robin laid low, flat against the table surface and made petulant noises, indignant.

Dean mocked a stern face at Robin, then picked out another slice of meat for him. The firelizard perked up, and he could feel him purring against his mind as he lowered his hand to allow him to take the meat.

Robin’s eyes went huge-- really?

"Yeah- just don't go choking on it," he smiled.

Robin took it, more delicately this time, treating the food as treasure. As he savoured the food, Dean looked around the Kitchen for Castiel.

It had been a long couple of days - a little over a week since they had last spoken. Where their conversation had ended so abruptly, the sourness he had felt lingered on in his mind and Castiel’s words weighed down on his heart. Dean contemplated, like he always did when no one was around to see how much he cared to the point he was trapped by his own thoughts. When he thought about the things Cas went through, and how this Castiel hadn’t, he realised he shouldn’t have pinned certain aspects onto him.

Apologies were difficult, and sincere apologies took time. When Dean prepared for it, Castiel hadn’t been easy to find, but he would somehow show up when he wasn’t. Perhaps it was the contention he felt from Robin that made him less guarded now, he should go test the waters, see if Castiel would speak to him.

Robin, now having finished his food, took wing and perched onto his shoulder.

Dean made his way towards Castiel, stopping two feet away from him. "Hey, Cas."

[kthehuman]

Castiel was at a loss. He was gazing at Seraphim, the little dragon resting in his lap. He ran a finger along her eye ridges, down her neck and between her wings. She stretched slowly, purring at his contact. Obviously, angels did not have pets. But the love he felt flowing to and from this creature astonished him. Yes, he had always loved all of his Father's creations, but never had Castiel had such a relationship with only one creature of an entire species. Her calm demeanor was keeping his emotions level, and he watched her sweep the surrounding area with her gaze, making sure all of her brothers and sisters were well cared for. Then...

"Hey, Cas."

Those two words, coming from a voice unmistakable to Castiel's ears, gave his heart a dull ache as he remembered the ending of their last conversation. This feeling obviously crossed over their bond, for Seraphim crawled up and around to Castiel's right shoulder, tail wrapped around his neck loosely. She watched the approaching human carefully. Any funny business, and she would run him right out of her hatching-place!

Castiel glanced first at Seraphim, then up in the direction of the voice, a blushing slightly in the echoes of their last meeting. Castiel had looked for Dean multiple times since then, but his efforts had been fruitless. Now Dean chanced upon him when Castiel had all but pushed the matter from his mind. He saw that Dean had Impressed a fire lizard as well, and he offered a small smile, happy for his charge. "Hello, Dean." Not sure what else to say, he gestured to floor in front of him in an offer to rest with him.

[fassa]

Robin peered at his sister from Dean's shoulder, limbs and wings tensed-- did she wish to fight? He eased and spread his wings, thrilled -- yes, he’s ready for this, he would make Dean proud! But what's his human doing? Sitting down? That was not traditional fighting stance-- he stooped -- did Dean not want this battle?

Dean laid a gentle, affirming hand on his firelizard, hesitating for a few seconds that seemed to stretch for twice as long, hesitating for an apology that didn’t form - not because Dean didn’t believe he owed him any but because when he thought really hard about it, this Castiel had pulled him out of Hell, had protected him as his Father had asked, and had fallen to keep him and Sammy safe.

And now they were stuck here, and the world - this world wasn’t ending, and they had no hurry to be anywhere else.

So he accepted his invitation to sit with heaving resignation and sat half-lotus across from Castiel, who regarded him with a perspicacious look while the silence yawned between them, lacking the severe discomfort he had expected-

-still friggin' awkward though.

This Castiel looked as he always did, the way he was before he was Emmanuel, before he was God. And though the corner of his lips curled slightly, this Castiel also looked solemn, like he knew he had been the cause of Dean's previous aggravations, even if it wasn’t him at fault.

Cas always had this uncanny ability of making him feel like he's the bad guy. He admitted to himself that he had been unnecessarily harsh in their last meeting, but he didn't need to feel crap for feeling responsible for being part of the reason his Cas turned out the way he did.

Robin leapt off Dean’s shoulder, onto his knee then onto the floor to sit by his legs, already bored, and feeling sleepy from his feasting. He kept his eyes open though, watching his sister and the man she had bonded to.

Eyes downcast, Dean licked his own lips, wondering where to begin. This should have been easy, and he should be feeling at ease - this Castiel was okay, and that’s that.

“So, uh,” he began smoothly, hand running through his hair, mindful of the people who were still in the cavern. He gazed at the purplish-blue firelizard on Castiel’s shoulder briefly before meeting blue eyes again, his own hand resting on Robin’s back, fingers stroking his head, “I see you got one of ‘em too. Feels like we just walked into some kind of lottery adoption centre, huh? Got a name for yours yet?”

[kthehuman]

Seraphim was slightly confused by the gesture that her human made, but when the approaching, sad-looking human sat, she realized that her favorite human knew her clutchmate's human. She fluttered her wings, wondering why sad-eyes was not happy. Was her favorite not enough to make him want to fly for all his joy? Surely it must be something terrible, if he is not happy around her favorite!

Even if Seraphim had not alerted him to it, Castiel would still have recognized the sense of defeat that was splayed across Dean's face. Cas wanted to comfort him, but he didn't have an inkling of how he would do that. And, as he is so fond of saying, Dean does not like "chick-flick moments." Castiel thought it may be considered such a moment if he tried to help his friend. Dean had over a year's worth of memories that Castiel had no knowledge of. And number of things could be troubling his friend, and he would be unable to assist, for fear that he might alter the future. Castiel felt his frustration building, but Seraphim cooed and nuzzled his hand, and he gained a better handle on his emotions.

Then Dean spoke, and said something about a lottery adoption. At this, both Castiel and his fire lizard tilted their heads to the right. Castiel was able to work out what he had meant, as he was familiar with the human system of chance that, potentially, rewarded a person with a large sum of money. Paired with the term, "adoption," he assumed that the fire lizards replaced the large sum of money. He explained this as well as he could to his little blue, stroking her head with his fore finger.

Castiel smiled down at her, "Her name is Seraphim," and looked back up at Dean, still smiling, hoping to lift his friend's spirits.

[fassa]

Dean’s shoulders relaxed and Robin flicked his tail and laid his head down to the floor, now less suspicious of this Cas-human who seemed to share some history with his human. Which is great, because this would mean he’d be seeing his sister a lot and he’d get to have at least a sparring partner -- not that he needed the improvement. No, he was the best. He closed his eyes, pleased with himself.

“Seraphim?,” Dean nodded agreeably; it was fitting. “That’s like a class of angels, right?”

This wasn’t too bad so far, Castiel was smiling back at him - that had to be a good sign even if Dean wasn’t sure if Castiel had forgiven him but Dean was not one to address personal issues. Most of the time, it was easier to cling onto pre-assumptions. Because they felt safer. Then again, Castiel had always been accepting, so maybe everything was okay now.

Maybe he could try this again.

Dean wanted to ask the angel about this world, or this place, seeing as he had been more in the streets with its people. It didn’t seem right to begin there though, so after some careful thought, he asked in earnest, “How are you, Cas?”

[kthehuman]

Seraphim grew tired, the stranger identified and her belly still full. She laid her head down, and closed her inner eyelids, still watching sad-eyes, who appeared to be just a bit happier. This made her purr, as she did not like friends of her favorite to be unhappy.

Castiel's smile broadened when Dean recognized the name. "Yes, Dean. The Seraphim are angels with six wings, and are very powerful. They do not walk the earth, however. In the beginning, they were guardians of our Father's throne." Castiel was glad to see that Dean was no longer angry. Perhaps he had grown to accept their situation, and would be willing to learn more of the interesting culture here.

When Dean asked how Castiel was, he paused, smile fading slightly. Dean did not ask about him very often. Yes, he made sure that Castiel was unharmed, but this question was different. If he understood, Dean was inquiring as to Castiel's emotional well-being. After thinking for a moment, he replied, "I...I am well, Dean. I have made a friend, and learned much of Pern. You may not have considered this, but I know every aspect of Earth. It is...interesting to see new places." He paused a moment, swallowing nervously. Hopefully, Dean would not take offense to his words. "I must apologize for my outburst before, Dean. It was unseemly, and I am still learning to control my emotions. I am glad that you are here with me, Dean. H-How are you doing?" he ventured. Again, he could only hope that Dean would be willing to talk to him. Castiel missed his friend.

[fassa]

Dean leaned in, nodded as Castiel spoke, eyes shying between his eyes and his mouth.

This face-to-face thing - Dean doesn't do face-to-face unless required in a hunt; Sam always had a better handle at this sort of delicate line of approach - this was Sam's thing, not his thing. Sam would do the connecting, and Dean would just sit and look charming until they got what they needed-

- never mind that Sam would often comment on how Dean was usually inappropriate.

But it didn’t mean he shouldn’t try because Castiel was nervous, something he hadn't seen since his two douchey brothers, Michael and Lucifer, had that big showdown. He also recalled from their last… conversation, that Castiel had said something about losing his grace and perhaps this was affecting the way he was processing emotions.

Dean wasn’t sure if he should asked about that; for all he knew, it could be a really sensitive issue.

He blinked, eyes cast down onto the floor briefly - Robin now sleeping soundly - and swallowed his apology. Awkward. He offered a small smile instead, and replied softly, "I'm, uh, ahhem- I'm glad too."

Dean looked around, out of habit -walls have ears, you know - but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. "I, uh, I’ve been thinking- you know- it’s not been that bad here, maybe if we put our heads together we can figure a way out or somethin'. Your new friend- did he tell you anything more about what’s been goin' on?"

[kthehuman]

Seraphim yawned quietly, mouth opened wide, and ended with a small squeak. She then laid her head down, shifted somewhat before starting to drift off.

Castiel smiled somewhat sadly at Dean, then focused his gaze on Seraphim. "I am...not sure if that is possible, Dean," his lips pushed together into a thin line, slightly pursed, and his brows furrowed. "I can't 'zap' us back, and I am unsure if any incantation from our world will work here." He looked Dean's face over, watching his reaction. Then he decided to take another approach, leaned forward and spoke in a hushed whisper. "Dean, I think my Father sent us here for a reason. I believe they need our help. For what, I can not imagine. But, perhaps, if we accomplish our task, we will be returned to our own world."

He leaned back, taking a deep breath, and letting his words sink in for a moment. "As for my friend," he smiled, amused, "her name is Haelyn. She rides a gold dragon, whose name is Riklith. I like them very much. I have been learning as much as I can from them about Pern, but I do not believe anything I've learned is relative to what you are asking."

[fassa]

Dean opened his mouth to speak when Castiel pulled away, but thought better of it. Even after what this Castiel had been through, it was unbelievable how he still thought of this as a test. He wondered if his Cas - the Castiel from his time - had been thinking this way the whole time.

He wouldn't admit it but Castiel's faith gave him just a teensy bit of hopeful fuzzies in the bottom of his heart. Also, he didn't want to risk ruffling more than a few feathers if he had went with, "no offense, Cas, but your dad's kind of a dick".

What kind of task did Castiel believe they'd have to pick up on anyway? Maybe if God weren't so mysterious about his ways, the world wouldn't have been in chaos all the friggin' time.

The agitation of being stuck here in Pern had started to chip away in the past week, and he had accepted that it would do him better if he knew more of the place. Compared to 40 years in Hell, this was a walk in the park; Igen Weyr was, by far, the most peaceful place he’d been spirited to. Dean hadn’t been completely useless this past week, mingling with some of the Weyrfolk, and observing their lifestyle. It’d been a surreal experience for Dean, who found peace was a fleeting concept quickly replaced with a 1887 Winchester in his hands.

He knew they were trusting enough to let him and the other Lost walk around, something which surprised him. But what was the catch?

"Haelyn, huh?" Dean shifted his attention back to Castiel, rubbing his jaw, and feeling the stubble underneath his fingers; he thought her name sounded familiar, perhaps mentioned by one of the locals around here - which could mean she was somewhat important.

"She pretty?"

Because it wouldn't hurt if she was.

[kthehuman]

Castiel blinked. Is she pretty? Thinking back upon the face of his friend, he had to consider the question for a moment. He crushed his eyebrows together, then slowly answered. "I...do not know. She is of slight figure and her face is not unfortunate to look at, but I am not sure if you would be attracted to her if you were to meet." Perhaps that is a good thing...

Castiel smiled at Dean. "I want her to meet you, Dean. I have told her a little bit about you and our world. I think you would both enjoy it." He was full of hope, tinged just slightly with worry. What if they don't like each other? They're both my friends - they should be friends. What if Dean doesn't approve of her? Many thoughts crossed the angels mind, but he was determined to introduce them. Maybe Dean could be a little more comfortable with staying here, then. He smiled again, looking at Dean expectantly.

[fassa]

Dean straightened his back, bemused, then amused by Castiel’s description of this Haelyn person. Looked obliquely at Castiel when he talked about the unlikelihood of attraction - he hadn’t thought he’d been obvious, but Cas was always one who took things at literal value.

"... thanks for that, Patti Stanger*," he replied.

Dean won’t lie - he thought of himself as a visual person, with gratuitous appreciation for the aesthetics of a woman’s body-

- but what he had meant was, if Castiel had found her to be so. Because it was a guy thing to do and made for good bonding conversations. Of course Sammy would beg to differ, using Rachel Nave (Sam’s prom date) as contrary evidence. Yeah, that had been a douche move to sleep with her, despite his initial intentions of scoping her out and see if she’d be good for Sammy.

On hindsight - nope.

He nodded at Castiel, noting the light in his eyes as he continued on. It then occurred to Dean that he must really like it here and was a little envious at how easily he had settled down. He wished he could do the same, but the idea of not being able to see his brother again would not stop eating the back of his mind.

“Wait,” Dean paused in the middle of switching his legs in his half lotus pose, trying to shake off the numbness in his right foot, and waking Robin in the process. “You told her about me- and you want her to meet me? Cas, are you setting us up on a date?”

---

* Patti Stanger is a matchmaker in her own tv show "The Millionaire Matchmaker".

[kthehuman]

Was Dean referring to some television show again? Or perhaps that was part of a song. "I do not know what a Patti Stanger is, Dean." Why must he always make such references? He should be well aware that Castiel would be unable to share in his jesting comments.

At Dean's questioning, Castiel gave him a look that - hopefully - conveyed that Dean should know his intentions. "No, I am not 'setting you up'," he chuckled, amused by such thoughts. "I believe you are fully capable of acquiring your own mates if you so choose. No, I just want you to meet. You are my friend and, now, so is she. They both are, actually. Dragon and her 'rider."

A thought struck Castiel then, and he looked about the kitchen. There weren't as many people now, but there was still a small crowd. He couldn't quite tell if his friend was still here. He looked back at Dean with a smile, "She was here earlier. I will go see if I can find her-" he stopped in the middle of standing, a sleepily upset Seraphim clutched between his right hand and torso. "You wouldn't mind meeting her now, would you, Dean?" He decided to continue standing, just to make his positioning a bit more comfortable.

[fassa]

"Right," Dean nodded, knowing well it wouldn't change a thing, and Sammy would have attested to that were he here. Dean was the culmination of America's retro pop-culturalism: a summation of soap tv, cartoons and spaghetti westerns, and Dad's penchant for classic rock. And he wouldn't shed any part of it. "I'm hi-lar-ious," he would say, dragging out the middle syllable a little longer than necessary and Sam would snort and roll his eyes.

If he’d ever make it back, Castiel’s going to need to experience some of these things or so help him.

Dean tapped his feet on the ground in an attempt to dissipate the pins and needles in his feet -- feeling some thoughts of disapproval from Robin -- then watched as Castiel stood up, with Seraphim in one arm, and the other extended to him. He reached a hand out to grab Castiel’s arm, fingers around just before his elbow - and Castiel holding him back in the same manner, firmly - and pulled himself up.

Lurching forward, Dean placed his hand on Castiel's shoulder for balance until his feet felt fine again. He released and hesitantly patted Castiel where his hand was. “Thanks.”

At this point, Robin stretched on the floor, aware of movement and trying to shake himself awake -- what's happening?

Dean knelt down, with a quiet vocal “just movin’, come on now” and helped Robin into his arm. He couldn’t help but still be surprised by Castiel's enthusiasm for him to meet Haelyn. Sure, he didn't mind meeting this person Castiel had good regards for - she had a dragon, what was the worst that could happen?

Lots, he thought to himself, recalling that time with the Amazonian-

-Jesus, Dean, it’s just a meeting.

He stood up, chiding himself that he really needed to stop having all this internal monologue; he could tell Robin himself was getting confused.

Their eyes met, and Castiel was still talking, but the way his blue eyes lit up- Thin lips curling into a half smile, Dean warmed when Castiel called him friend. Then had to remind himself, again, that this was Castiel before they found Purgatory.

As Castiel looked around the room, Robin decided to put Dean's shoulder to good use, crawling up to it and making himself comfortable, yawning at Castiel, then studying him sleepy-eyed. He understood there was a complicated bond between the two men, but his human had a sizable positive regard to the other. His sister’s human didn't look like much, but he could feel from Dean that Castiel was a fearsome warrior, and that his human trusted him. That was enough. He licked at Dean's face.

"Nope," Dean replied after clearing his throat, looking behind his shoulder then around to see where the sinks or wherever was so he could relinquish his thirst. "But, er- how about we grab some drink first, huh? I'm really thirsty."

He found them a pitcher instead, on a table, and he brought it up just under his nose to sniff at it. "Water?" he offered.

[kthehuman]

Castiel gazed at the yawning fire lizard on Dean's shoulder, tilting his head when the green continued to gaze at him. "No, Dean. Thank you, but I am not thirsty," as he trained his eyes back on Dean. He opened his mouth to continue, but the purplish lizard in his arms distracted him. Seraphim squirmed, having become uncomfortable, and clambered up his arms to his shoulder. She wrapped her tail around his neck, nuzzling his face and neck for a moment before settling down for more sleep. She enjoyed the prickly things on her human's face-skin.

Castiel felt warmth and happiness from her, and leaned into her nuzzling, smiling at the odd sensation. The thought of her enjoying his facial hair caused him to chuckle, and he gazed at her in wonder as she laid her head down to rest. He cleared his throat and returned his attention to his task. "Pour yourself some water, if you are thirsty, and let us go. I would like to find her before she leaves the kitchen." He turned around promptly, wondering where to begin his search. Castiel waited just a few moments, then began walking towards the back, hoping to catch sight of his friend if he looked from a different viewpoint.

"Forgive me, but I never asked," he said back to Dean as he walked, "what is you fire lizard's name?" He barely got the question out before she came into view. His eyes focused on her before he realized that he was looking at his friend. He supposed it was her stature and cane that caught his eye, but he didn't think about it too hard. He looked back at Dean, smiling wide, "I found her. Come, this way," and he made a steady beeline for her spot near the wall.

[fassa]

Dean made a noncommittal shrug - suit yourself - raising the pitcher to guzzle its contents, because Dean wasn't as well-versed in observing and understanding etiquette as his younger brother was, and because, in his impressionable age, Dad of the Year didn't have time with such trivialities in the grand scheme of vengeful demon hunting. And also, because he was really thirsty from his conversation with Castiel, longing for any form of alcohol to ease his nerves, and though the water was something he still needed to get accustomed to, it quenched his thirst just as well. He set the now third full pitcher back onto the table, wiping the wet trail from the side of his mouth and chin with the back of his hand.

"Lead the way," he said, now ready, and followed Castiel.

Robin ran alongside them on the slight protrusion of the wall to their right, feeling like he needed to stretch his limbs - limber up for this highly regarded friend of not-his human. He stopped, head perking up when the not-his human asked about his name.

Dean opened his mouth to answer, fending off the thoughts Robin were sending him to tell Castiel of his meritable name, but Castiel had already spotted Haelyn and was walking in her direction. He looked ahead, extrapolated Castiel’s path, and saw her - a petite woman leaning against the wall with a mug in her hands and an absorbed expression on her face.